I went and saw Sommi today. He's been my doctor my entire life and it's awesome to have a familiar face to spill all my problems to. After he caught up on all the important stuff ("How was your trip? How's your brother? Any boyfriends?") I told him all the stuff that's going on (read: wrong) in my brain and that I think it might be something bigger than just me being bad at being good at things.
He thinks it might be ADD/ADHD too, and was surprised at how I hadn't addressed it sooner. He was also super great about making me not feel like a creature made of broken parts (Does your doctor hug you? I bet he doesn't. Dr Sommi is awesome.), because apparently a lot of people have undiagnosed and untreated ADD/ADHD.
There are three routes to go:
1. Treat it yourself, like with a self-help book.
Two Christmases ago my mom gave me the Idiot's Guide to Organizing Your Life. For my birthday last July she gave me the Smart Cookies' Guide to Making More Dough and Getting Out of Debt. Despite all my good intentions, and despite piling them on top of all the other books so I see them on a near daily basis, do you think I've read even a chapter of either? No, of course not. So I don't think a book full of self-motivated exercises is the way to go. Not right now, anyway.
2. Get some drugs.
Sommi wasn't opposed to giving me a trial prescription for something to try to help me with my concentration issue, and I have a feeling meds are probably going to come into play at some point, but as always I'll leave them as a last resort. I also know that some of the common ADD meds out there (e.g.: Adderall) are super highly addictive. And while I don't have a super-addictive personality (chocolate and internet and lipgloss, but not much else really) and I don't use recreational drugs, I'm still sketched out about anything that's been labeled as a narcotic in some countries.
3. Get a proper diagnosis from a psychiatrist, and go from there.
I chose this route. Even though ADD is common and it sounds like I probably have it to some degree, I don't want to start treating something until I know for sure I have it. And as Sommi mentioned, it could always be something else. Maybe I'm completely batshit crazy! I'm sure some of my exes would vouch for that.
So in the next couple of days I'll be told when my appointment with a psychiatrist is (hopefully it's days or weeks and not months), and we go from there.
I just want to be normal!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Something is Wrong With My Brain
I've long known I get easily distracted, I procrastinate too much, I rarely accomplish things on time and often don't accomplish things at all. I'm a packrat and I get overwhelmed by all the stuff and things around me.
But recently I've started to wonder if there's something more/worse going on, possibly to the tune of ADD/ADHD. While I definitely don't want to be diagnosed with a mental illness, albeit one that's common and treatable and won't make me a social outcast, I think that whatever's wrong with me has got to be more than just me being a scatterbrain and disorganized. Feeling like I can't ever accomplish anything unless it's supremely interesting has got to be more than just the result of bad habits.
So I did something horrible. I Googled the symptoms of ADD/ADHD in adults. It's like the internet wrote eighty million pages on what's happening in my brain. I got super overwhelmed reading through it because it felt like someone got in my head and looked at how fucked up it feels all the time and wrote it all down. Reading things like "inability to focus on anything repetitive or uninteresting" and "constant 'chatter' in your head" and "poor money management" and "chronic lateness" made me get all panicky and start crying. Seeing "tendency to cry easily" didn't help any.
Regular person:
-realizes responsibilities
-writes a list of things to do
-prioritizes items on list
-accomplishes items (mostly) in order
Sam
-realizes at the last second that she has things to do
-trusts her brain to remember them
-forgets 50% of things that needed to be done
-does one of the things that needed to be done
-feels supremely great about the one thing that did get done
-goes to bed with a false sense of accomplishment
-wakes up the next day panicked that nothing got accomplished and now there's even more to do than before
-goes to the gym
-decides to make a list
-has lunch
-has a nap
-makes a list
-misplaces list
-makes a new list
-leaves the house forgetting said list at home
-tries to manage without list
-fails miserably
-repeats cycle on a daily basis
As a perfect example of my dysfunctional mindset, this post (although obviously you can't see it now) was written in disjointed chunks as my brain thought of everything at once and my fingers tried to keep up.
Everything I do happens that way. I'm always forgetting laundry in the washer for days and then it smells all funky and then I have to rewash it. My oil changes are often a few thousand kilometres overdue even though I'll think of it every time I get in the car. I go to Superstore at least three times a week because I'm too impatient to wait until I have a reasonable list of things to get and I'm always forgetting some of the few things I'm specifically going for. I find it nearly impossible to sit still, and rarely finish watching movies. I miss every important play when watching sports games because I was talking or reading the menu or trying to figure out what that guy's t-shirt says, and then I'll forget to watch the instant replay. Sometimes I'm surprised that I'm even capable of driving.
If I have to be somewhere an hour away at 8 and I have to get gas and it takes me an hour to get ready, I can figure out that this means that I need to start getting ready at 5:45. At 6 I'll realize I'm already running late. At 6:15 I'll start getting ready. I'll finally leave the house at 7:30. Then I'll forget that I need gas and go the wrong direction. And because I'm cheap, I'll turn around and drive back the wrong way to where gas is cheaper. Then I'll forget which exit I need to take and have to make a detour. Then I finally show up at 9pm.
I talk too fast and I write too fast and I do things too impulsively and I lose my train of thoughts and I buy things I shouldn't and I forget to mail letters and I accidentally bought shampoo instead of conditioner and now my hair is tangly and I can't sit still and I can't turn off the radio station-like noises in my head and I forget to respond to messages and I spent an hour rolling pennies and and I have all these good intentions of getting lots of things done and I just can never seem to manage. Ever. And it's driving me crazy. And now it's driving everyone around me crazy too.
So I'm calling Dr Sommi tomorrow to get this shit figured out. It's on my list. Wish me luck.
But recently I've started to wonder if there's something more/worse going on, possibly to the tune of ADD/ADHD. While I definitely don't want to be diagnosed with a mental illness, albeit one that's common and treatable and won't make me a social outcast, I think that whatever's wrong with me has got to be more than just me being a scatterbrain and disorganized. Feeling like I can't ever accomplish anything unless it's supremely interesting has got to be more than just the result of bad habits.
So I did something horrible. I Googled the symptoms of ADD/ADHD in adults. It's like the internet wrote eighty million pages on what's happening in my brain. I got super overwhelmed reading through it because it felt like someone got in my head and looked at how fucked up it feels all the time and wrote it all down. Reading things like "inability to focus on anything repetitive or uninteresting" and "constant 'chatter' in your head" and "poor money management" and "chronic lateness" made me get all panicky and start crying. Seeing "tendency to cry easily" didn't help any.
Regular person:
-realizes responsibilities
-writes a list of things to do
-prioritizes items on list
-accomplishes items (mostly) in order
Sam
-realizes at the last second that she has things to do
-trusts her brain to remember them
-forgets 50% of things that needed to be done
-does one of the things that needed to be done
-feels supremely great about the one thing that did get done
-goes to bed with a false sense of accomplishment
-wakes up the next day panicked that nothing got accomplished and now there's even more to do than before
-goes to the gym
-decides to make a list
-has lunch
-has a nap
-makes a list
-misplaces list
-makes a new list
-leaves the house forgetting said list at home
-tries to manage without list
-fails miserably
-repeats cycle on a daily basis
As a perfect example of my dysfunctional mindset, this post (although obviously you can't see it now) was written in disjointed chunks as my brain thought of everything at once and my fingers tried to keep up.
Everything I do happens that way. I'm always forgetting laundry in the washer for days and then it smells all funky and then I have to rewash it. My oil changes are often a few thousand kilometres overdue even though I'll think of it every time I get in the car. I go to Superstore at least three times a week because I'm too impatient to wait until I have a reasonable list of things to get and I'm always forgetting some of the few things I'm specifically going for. I find it nearly impossible to sit still, and rarely finish watching movies. I miss every important play when watching sports games because I was talking or reading the menu or trying to figure out what that guy's t-shirt says, and then I'll forget to watch the instant replay. Sometimes I'm surprised that I'm even capable of driving.
If I have to be somewhere an hour away at 8 and I have to get gas and it takes me an hour to get ready, I can figure out that this means that I need to start getting ready at 5:45. At 6 I'll realize I'm already running late. At 6:15 I'll start getting ready. I'll finally leave the house at 7:30. Then I'll forget that I need gas and go the wrong direction. And because I'm cheap, I'll turn around and drive back the wrong way to where gas is cheaper. Then I'll forget which exit I need to take and have to make a detour. Then I finally show up at 9pm.
I talk too fast and I write too fast and I do things too impulsively and I lose my train of thoughts and I buy things I shouldn't and I forget to mail letters and I accidentally bought shampoo instead of conditioner and now my hair is tangly and I can't sit still and I can't turn off the radio station-like noises in my head and I forget to respond to messages and I spent an hour rolling pennies and and I have all these good intentions of getting lots of things done and I just can never seem to manage. Ever. And it's driving me crazy. And now it's driving everyone around me crazy too.
So I'm calling Dr Sommi tomorrow to get this shit figured out. It's on my list. Wish me luck.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Dad Quotes
33 years of working in mills means my dad is hard of hearing. But rather than asking "Pardon?" he just spits out whatever he thought he heard, in the form of a question.
Like just now:
Dad: "Supposed to be a nice day tomorrow, 23 degrees."
Me: "Ooooh it went up a degree!"
Dad: "You want to buy an effigy?"
Other gems include:
Me: "It's Ryan Phillippe."
Dad: "Who's that?"
Me: "He's an actor. He was married to Reese Witherspoon."
Dad: "He was made a new citizen?"
During one of our many milk debates (I like skim, he likes straight whipping cream):
Sam: "Can't you just put Creamo in your skim?"
Dad: "Don't you wanna put a staple in the tent?"
Dad was talking to Will about Will selling his truck:
Dad: "What are you going to do with $2500?"
Will: "Go to the Phillipines."
Dad: "Build a guillotine?"
Like just now:
Dad: "Supposed to be a nice day tomorrow, 23 degrees."
Me: "Ooooh it went up a degree!"
Dad: "You want to buy an effigy?"
Other gems include:
Me: "It's Ryan Phillippe."
Dad: "Who's that?"
Me: "He's an actor. He was married to Reese Witherspoon."
Dad: "He was made a new citizen?"
During one of our many milk debates (I like skim, he likes straight whipping cream):
Sam: "Can't you just put Creamo in your skim?"
Dad: "Don't you wanna put a staple in the tent?"
Dad was talking to Will about Will selling his truck:
Dad: "What are you going to do with $2500?"
Will: "Go to the Phillipines."
Dad: "Build a guillotine?"
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Boobs! FOR SCIENCE!
In retaliation to one of the most ridiculous allegations of all time, Boobquake is happening tomorrow.
Jennifer McCreight dreamt up Boobquake as a joke in response to this statement:
"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes"
-Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi ,Tehran's acting Friday prayer leader
The idea spread like wildfire, and there are currently over 100,000 people lending their support and boobs to the cause tomorrow. After declaring my own participation on Twitter, Paul Chapman (editor for the Province, and not the first time my tweets have landed me in the Province!) asked me if I'd like to take part in a fun interview regarding Boobquake for a local story.
See the Province's story featuring yours truly and my weapons of mass seduction here.
Jennifer McCreight dreamt up Boobquake as a joke in response to this statement:
"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes"
-Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi ,Tehran's acting Friday prayer leader
The idea spread like wildfire, and there are currently over 100,000 people lending their support and boobs to the cause tomorrow. After declaring my own participation on Twitter, Paul Chapman (editor for the Province, and not the first time my tweets have landed me in the Province!) asked me if I'd like to take part in a fun interview regarding Boobquake for a local story.
See the Province's story featuring yours truly and my weapons of mass seduction here.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Earth Day! And Why it Makes Me Sad.
"Treat the Earth well. It was not given to you by your parents.
It is loaned to you by your children."
~ Kenyan proverb
WARNING: This post may get a little preachy, and I might come out looking like a hippie.
I could cry today, because I'm so frustrated with people and how they treat this planet. Moreso, I'm frustrated by people's apathy.
We live in a rural area on a main street, and one that many a fisherman makes his home-away-from-home when he needs to "get away from it all."
We also have two trailer parks on our street. One is mostly home to retirees, and as a result it is tidy and kempt. The other is your stereotypical trailer park, full of trailer trash, both figuratively and literally. I spent seven years delivering papers there twice a week, and I went to elementary and high school with many of the children that live there, so I've seen it all firsthand. One Saturday morning I witnessed young children playing in their front yard, which was littered with aftermath from the previous night's party: dozens of beer cans and porn mags. I'm not kidding.
And we're the main street that 20- and 30-somethings use to get to Stave Lake, home to the mud flats and off-roading trails, and often a dumping ground for stolen vehicles.
So as a result of the types of people that frequent our street, its shoulders and ditches are home to styrofoam bait containers, chocolate bar wrappers, pop cans, beer cans, countless cigarette butts and packages, and trash from most fast-food restaurants, especially Tim Horton's.
It's also a dumping ground for large things, for those too cheap or too lazy to properly dispose of them. I just called Mission Public Works to have them pick up the double-size futon that's been laying on the side of the road for well over a week now. There are countless garbage bags filled with dirt - a lovely gift from the grow-ops in the neighbourhood - and apparently one fisherman went home pantsless after he tore a hole in his and left them for someone else to deal with.
So this morning, as I was feeling all lovey dovey about the Earth, I picked up a heavy-duty garbage collection bag and one of those sweet robot arm garbage-picker-upper things from my neighbour (the neighbourhood used to share in weekly garbage pickups) and set off with Jack in tow. In less than half a kilometre my bag was so full and heavy that one of the handles broke. I also came home disheartened, because my bag can't hold the paint cans and plant pots that I had to leave behind.
So with all of this, you'd expect we live in a pretty rough, ugly neighbourhood, right?
Wrong. I took this just now, standing in my front yard.
I'd hate to see how people treat a place that isn't this beautiful.
I also get frustrated with people's lack of motivation to actually do anything more than just say "Happy Earth Day!" Words don't undo pollution, or automatically sort your recyclables from your compostables from your garbage, or plant trees, or pick up garbage that thoughtless others have tossed out their window.
Usually I hate the expression "if you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem," but it's days like today that it couldn't ring any truer.
So I'm happy to report that today I'm part of the solution. I've resolved to make today a car-free day, in efforts to reduce my carbon emissions. Instead of turning up the heat in the house because it's cold, I'm going to layer up. I'm planning on not creating any garbage today; all the waste I produce will either be recyclable or compostable. And I walked down the street to pick up free-range organic eggs from our neighbours' farm today for my good-for-the-environment lunch.
Happy Earth Day! Do something good for the environment please.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Things That I Think Are Stupid
The Price of Razorblades.
I've been buying the same blades for about ten years now. They're not advertised by Gillette anymore, and haven't been in some time, and they will probably be discontinued soon as the handle's been unavailable for a couple of years now.
So with no advertisement, and no cost of R&D, you'd think the price would stay roughly the same, right?
Wrong.
Ten years ago: about $10, or $1/blade.
Today: $17, or $1.70/blade.
You can't tell me that inflation has caused the price to increase 70%. A piece of plastic housing two thin strips of metal (Yes, mine only have two blades. I don't need 16 blades to shave.) should cost mere pennies to produce. By the time you package and ship and resell that ten pack it should cost no more than $3 or $4.
But it's a monopoly market, as there aren't any inexpensive alternatives. Professional waxing and laser hair removal cost small fortunes. Electric razors don't come cheap either, and with a lifespan of only a couple of years, they probably cost more in the long run. Disposables aren't as good (not to mention the unnecessary garbage they create), and generic brands, if you can find them, aren't up to snuff.
And what are we supposed to do in protest? Boycott razorblades? That's only hurting ourselves.
I'm just going to start buying lots of blade packs of ebay. Still not as cheap as it should be, but a substantial savings over what you'll pay at the grocery store.
Bikram's Yoga, aka Hot Yoga.
Ok, so let's get this straight. The same temperature and humidity that causes the government to issue heat warnings about when it happens in the summer is the same environment that you're working out in? You're spending anywhere from 60 to 90 minutes in a makeshift sauna, when a real sauna is filled with signage warning you not to stay for longer than 15 minutes, and to leave immediately if you begin to feel nauseous or dizzy.
And everyone is getting their sweat on. But unlike in a gym, where the air is circulated and conditioned, Bikram's is in a sealed-off room. Nice. You're breathing in everyone else' sweat and breath. Better hope no one's getting a cold, because you'll be getting it too.
What's worse is that you're told not to drink any water. This goes against everything we've been taught since the beginning of PE classes.
In the 45 minutes I spend doing cardio on the elliptical at my gym I will polish off an entire 1 litre bottle of water, and another 500mls on my drive home.
"Oh but I lose so much weight with Bikram's! I feel so awesome after Bikram's!"
Yes, you do. But you put it back on as soon as you rehydrate yourself. That's probably why you feel so good after your workout; stepping outside into cool air where you can finally drink water is bound to feel euphoric after you've been trying not to pass out for an hour.
Feeling dizzy, light-headed or nauseous while working out = bad
Not staying hydrated while working out = bad
Paying $20 for an hour-long group workout = stupid
I'm not anti-yoga, nor am I anti-saunas. But together? Anyone who participates in this needs to give their head a good shake.
"It makes me feel amazing!"
If you're lacking amazement in your life, here are some other, not-so-stupid things you can try instead:
-regular workouts (including regular yoga!)
-recycling
-volunteering
-cuddling puppies
-giving hugs
And the best part? None of those cost $20/hour to do! You're welcome.
AirCare
Oh wait, we already went over that.
I've been buying the same blades for about ten years now. They're not advertised by Gillette anymore, and haven't been in some time, and they will probably be discontinued soon as the handle's been unavailable for a couple of years now.
So with no advertisement, and no cost of R&D, you'd think the price would stay roughly the same, right?
Wrong.
Ten years ago: about $10, or $1/blade.
Today: $17, or $1.70/blade.
You can't tell me that inflation has caused the price to increase 70%. A piece of plastic housing two thin strips of metal (Yes, mine only have two blades. I don't need 16 blades to shave.) should cost mere pennies to produce. By the time you package and ship and resell that ten pack it should cost no more than $3 or $4.
But it's a monopoly market, as there aren't any inexpensive alternatives. Professional waxing and laser hair removal cost small fortunes. Electric razors don't come cheap either, and with a lifespan of only a couple of years, they probably cost more in the long run. Disposables aren't as good (not to mention the unnecessary garbage they create), and generic brands, if you can find them, aren't up to snuff.
And what are we supposed to do in protest? Boycott razorblades? That's only hurting ourselves.
I'm just going to start buying lots of blade packs of ebay. Still not as cheap as it should be, but a substantial savings over what you'll pay at the grocery store.
Bikram's Yoga, aka Hot Yoga.
Ok, so let's get this straight. The same temperature and humidity that causes the government to issue heat warnings about when it happens in the summer is the same environment that you're working out in? You're spending anywhere from 60 to 90 minutes in a makeshift sauna, when a real sauna is filled with signage warning you not to stay for longer than 15 minutes, and to leave immediately if you begin to feel nauseous or dizzy.
And everyone is getting their sweat on. But unlike in a gym, where the air is circulated and conditioned, Bikram's is in a sealed-off room. Nice. You're breathing in everyone else' sweat and breath. Better hope no one's getting a cold, because you'll be getting it too.
What's worse is that you're told not to drink any water. This goes against everything we've been taught since the beginning of PE classes.
In the 45 minutes I spend doing cardio on the elliptical at my gym I will polish off an entire 1 litre bottle of water, and another 500mls on my drive home.
"Oh but I lose so much weight with Bikram's! I feel so awesome after Bikram's!"
Yes, you do. But you put it back on as soon as you rehydrate yourself. That's probably why you feel so good after your workout; stepping outside into cool air where you can finally drink water is bound to feel euphoric after you've been trying not to pass out for an hour.
Feeling dizzy, light-headed or nauseous while working out = bad
Not staying hydrated while working out = bad
Paying $20 for an hour-long group workout = stupid
I'm not anti-yoga, nor am I anti-saunas. But together? Anyone who participates in this needs to give their head a good shake.
"It makes me feel amazing!"
If you're lacking amazement in your life, here are some other, not-so-stupid things you can try instead:
-regular workouts (including regular yoga!)
-recycling
-volunteering
-cuddling puppies
-giving hugs
And the best part? None of those cost $20/hour to do! You're welcome.
AirCare
Oh wait, we already went over that.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Exciting things that happened this week!
This was a week of firsts.
I experienced something I've been moderately (and unjustifiably) hateful of for some time now.
1) The Snuggie.
I take it all back. You are soft and warm, and even though you're a little bit staticky I'm still really into you. Literally.
2) Waking up in a Snuggie.
Thank you Jenn, I owe that one all to you.
3) New Snuggie-based projects.
I'm going to make a Lions Snuggie for this season. There was even talk of an orange three-person Snuggie for Jenn, Doug and I. Doug doesn't know about it yet, and Jenn pretended she wasn't super excited about that idea, but I know better.
4) Pho.
I've finally tried pho! And it was super delicious! It's like I live in Vancouver or something. And I managed to eat the entire bowl without having to ask for a fork. Gold star for me.
5) I fell in love with Jim's new beagle puppy, Barnaby.
Not to be confused with Burnaby. Having a tiny puppy asleep on your chest while he twitches and whimpers because he's dreaming is probably the cutest thing ever. And I am an expert on cute things, so you can rest assured that this is an accurate statement.
6) I won (another) contest!
My reign as queen of the radio contest isn't up yet, as I scored a pair of tickets to Rihanna at GM Place. ON MY BIRTHDAY!
And the most exciting thing that happened this week...
7) I was asked to MC Nicole and Nathan's wedding!
And oh boy, am I excited! So I get to play makeup artist the morning of the wedding, and then I get to spend all night on a mic. I'm so excited about it you'd think I were the one getting hitched or something.
Mistress of Ceremonies. I like it. Only 278 days to go!
I experienced something I've been moderately (and unjustifiably) hateful of for some time now.
1) The Snuggie.
I take it all back. You are soft and warm, and even though you're a little bit staticky I'm still really into you. Literally.
2) Waking up in a Snuggie.
Thank you Jenn, I owe that one all to you.
3) New Snuggie-based projects.
I'm going to make a Lions Snuggie for this season. There was even talk of an orange three-person Snuggie for Jenn, Doug and I. Doug doesn't know about it yet, and Jenn pretended she wasn't super excited about that idea, but I know better.
4) Pho.
I've finally tried pho! And it was super delicious! It's like I live in Vancouver or something. And I managed to eat the entire bowl without having to ask for a fork. Gold star for me.
5) I fell in love with Jim's new beagle puppy, Barnaby.
Not to be confused with Burnaby. Having a tiny puppy asleep on your chest while he twitches and whimpers because he's dreaming is probably the cutest thing ever. And I am an expert on cute things, so you can rest assured that this is an accurate statement.
6) I won (another) contest!
My reign as queen of the radio contest isn't up yet, as I scored a pair of tickets to Rihanna at GM Place. ON MY BIRTHDAY!
And the most exciting thing that happened this week...
7) I was asked to MC Nicole and Nathan's wedding!
And oh boy, am I excited! So I get to play makeup artist the morning of the wedding, and then I get to spend all night on a mic. I'm so excited about it you'd think I were the one getting hitched or something.
Mistress of Ceremonies. I like it. Only 278 days to go!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
